Welcome to my blog!!

Welp, here goes.....not sure how I'll do at this but I'll give it a whirl! Hope you enjoy. "Yearning to be Average" has to do with my desire & goal to just be an average size person.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The year from hell - time to celebrate?!

Not to beat a dead horse but it hit me recently, when I sat down and mentally noted everything I had been through in the last year or 14 months, it really was a year from hell! 

January 2012: Jerry wanted a divorce; changed his mind
January 2012:  Three days later, my dad died
February 2012: Rookie, our beloved Boston Terrier died
March 2012:  Jerry wanted a divorce; changed his mind
April 2012: Jerry got an apartment; changed his mind
June 2012:  Jerry moved out for 4 days
July 2012: Jerry moved out for a week
August 2012: Jerry moved out for 3 weeks
January 2013: Jerry moved out for good
March 2013: Max, our other Boston Terrier died
March 2013:  Poppy, Jerry's dad, died

Ugghhh!!  So why am I telling you all this?  In a way, to celebrate - that, after going through all that loss & pain for so long, I am still basically at the same weight I was, only about a 5-6 pound difference!  That is remarkable to me, given my history with food and 'eating my feelings', etc. 

I'm not saying all this to pat myself on the back, it is only by the grace of God that I have made it through.....there were days I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone go work out and go to work, and smile at people when I didn't feel like smiling. 

My point is - if I can do it, you can do it!  Keep your head up but stay on your knees (in prayer!)

Friday, July 5, 2013

Back in the saddle again.....halfway anyway...

Just wanted to type a quick post....I'm still not back in the gym regularly but a lot of that is due to late nights at baseball and twice in the past week I've had a REALLY bad sinus headache/migraine in the mornings. 

However I have done really well with my food choices this past week or so, I feel great as I am back in my routine of good eating and am still drinking LOTS of water. 

Checked the scale this morning - prob not a good idea as I haven't even worked out - but it said I was down 2-3 lbs from a week ago.  Granted, I think a lot of that was water weight/bloating anyway but still, psychologically it feels good to see it going back down. 

My pants didn't feel as tight this morning either so that's always a good way to start your Friday!

Tomorrow morning again I won't be able to make it to the gym. :(  That bums me out because Saturdays are my favorite day for workouts because I don't feel rushed.  Even if I have parties at work, I don't have to get there until noon so I have more time.  But tomorrow Isaiah has a double-header and has to be in New Haven by 9:00 so that's not happening.  Sunday will hopefully be a good workout day!

I'd like to get this extra weight off before we go to Florida in 2 weeks - totally doable as I just need to lose 4-5 more lbs to get back to -85 lost or so.  If I don't lose it before we go, I'm sure I will sweat it off there anyway!  :)

Thursday, June 27, 2013

For 'slack' of a better word...

I've been slacking!  No beating around the bush, I'm a slacker.  Gahh!  My workouts have not been regular AT ALL, my food choices have not been great AT ALL.  Time to get back on the ball! Hey I'm a poet and didn't know it!  lol

Only good thing is I've only gained about 5-6 lbs which is good I suppose, considering my lack of regular workouts and the amount of Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins I've consumed.  Those are definitely my kryptonite!

I did get in a quick run yesterday at the gym but felt how un-conditioned I was.  I'm actually looking forward to buckling down, so to speak, and getting back in my routine.  It won't take much to get back to where I was -- still pretty much hold steady at -85 lbs lost usually. 

This time of year is dangerous at work - thankfully, it's not Greek Festival time which means a food temptation.  But it's dangerous because it's SO quiet and - I dare say it - boring at times. lol  So that means I want to snack more.  But I don't bring bad things with me to eat, which is good, but eating too often is not good either.  I typically try and eat a healthy snack every 2.5 hours or so. 

So to battle that, I'm trying to drink more water than usual.  Yesterday I drank almost 60 oz at work alone - and keep in mind, I only work about 5 hours a day so that's pretty good I think!  Plus that will help me with wanting to snack.

Will keep you posted - chest & shoulders tomorrow along with a quick interval run on the treadmill.  That will usually jumpstart weight-loss for me as well. 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Right to bare arms...and yes, I meant to spell it that way

Haha!  So wanted to include a quick progress pic of my shoulders/arms....I did chest & shoulders at the gym this morning and felt pretty good afterward.  It's hard to take pics of yourself while flexing!

So I did what any good mother would do and made my teenage son take it - I think he's scarred for life.  Oh well!  Haha.   Don't mind the blurriness and my face - awkward!  But I wanted to see the progress I've made on my arms/shoulders. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

All byyyy myself.....(sung like Celine Deion)

So I've been doing pretty good with my workouts and AWESOME with my food choices!  Woo-hoo!!  Not saying everything is all of a sudden easy or grand but I feel good physically at least.  I'm feeling the pain today walking because I did a great legs/back workout yesterday.  Because of the blizzard we had over the weekend, Isaiah was off school Monday & Tuesday....poor munchkin though, he still had to wake up early yesterday (compared to sleeping in until noon) for an orthodontist appointment.  Haha. 

Anyway I did have some extra time for my workout so I spent longer than usual at the gym and did all my sets, no skipping anything!  I even did plank, which I'm supposed to do every workout but sometimes skip.  lol  I can definitely feel it in my legs/butt. 

My runs lately, as I've said, have been a lot shorter than they used to be.  Part of that is the mental torture I put myself through while running - i.e. thinking of Jerry and where he is, what he's done, etc. but also it's hard for me to do long distances on treadmills.  And the weather has not been very cooperative to run outside. 

That being said, I'm going to take Allison's advice and look for a half marathon to do!  I think it would be huge for me personally to step out on my own and do this race 'all by myself.'  For so long throughout this journey I have been dependent on Jerry as my trainer and cheerleader - and don't get me wrong, he was a great trainer in that aspect.  But I need to learn to be motivated on my own and be more independent. 

I'm thinking possibly late spring or fall - I know there's one in Hartford in October, the normal one but I don't know if I want to wait that long.  I could look for one in April or May, I saw one more local in April but it's the same weekend as Nick's graduation from Basic Training.  I'm going to look in more detail for one to sign up for and commit to.  Wish me luck!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Hardest workout of my life

Bear with me - this post is going to be raw and difficult for me.  I said from the beginning I would share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  This is definitely the ugly.

On Friday, Jan. 25th, my husband of just over 10 years, Gerard, moved out and left me for his mistress of over a year.  While this was not something totally unexpected, you are never quite prepared for the pain - much like losing a loved one.  No mater how expected or prepared you are, that hole is still there in your heart nonetheless. 

I kept up my workouts during the week following and have felt good physically for the most part.  But on Saturday, Feb 2nd, it was the first night he spent at her house since leaving me and I knew he was there.  I can't describe to you the heartache and pain I have had over these past couple days.  Sometimes I guess you're better off NOT knowing some things.  I barely slept AT ALL Saturday night; since he's been gone I have had kind of crappy sleep but I slept moreso than not.  But Saturday night was a whole different story. 

I have never cried so much, to the point it was pouring out of me like a deep, gutteral (is that a word?) pain leaving my body.  I was literally on my knees in our bathroom, praying to God to take away my pain, to give me peace, to help me with my anger towards him and her, I cried out over and over and over. 

I did finally lay down around 3am and dozed off for maybe an hour, exhausted physically & emotionally. 

I woke up way before my alarm was set and debated whether to go to the gym.  In the end, I did go and completed my chest & shoulders workout.  It was the hardest workout I've had, I believe.  Not feeling any motivation, sitting there on the bench and my eyes kept welling up with tears, shoulders down, not making eye contact with anyone so noone would ask how I was.  But I'm proud that I completed it, on a day when my heart was literally aching nonstop. 

This struggle is not over by any means, every day is a struggle to get  up and go work out, take care of the kids and the dogs and the house.  I have been reading this devotional by Max Lucado every day (he's my favorite author!) and reading my Bible, praying a LOT.  I know my sister will hit me upside the head and tell me to get to a good Bible-based church as well and I'm planning to do that this Sunday I hope. 

Please keep me in your prayers, I need all the support I can get right now.  Pretty tough being so far away from family at a time like this.  Please pray for Sarah (my stepdaughter), who has been AMAZING through all of this.  Pray for Nick, my stepson, who is away at Army Basic Training and has no idea this is going on.  :(  Jerry waited until Nick left for Basic to make his move.  Please pray for Isaiah especially; Jerry is the only father he has ever known - we had his last name changed to 'Negretti' and I imagine this must be especially hurtful to him, although he doesn't say much, like most teenaged boys.

 (Oct 2011)

Friday, February 1, 2013

I'm alive....just barely

Haha okay so I'm a little dramatic.  My dad used to sing "Hooray for Hollywood.." sometimes when I was being a good actress.  Or if I whined, he'd tell me I could play football for the San Francisco Forty-Whiners.  LOL

Anyhoo....did well with my weights this week, did legs & back on Tuesday after missing them for a couple weeks and felt it on Weds. It hurt to walk, my quads/hammies were so sore!  So I rested on Weds & Thurs.   Went for a short run this morning, just a couple miles but it felt pretty good.

I was hoping to run outside tomorrow but I just checked the weather and it's looking pretty chilly in the morning!  Not sure if I'm ambitious enough for that.  We shall see.

I am down 13 pounds and feeling much better than even just 4 weeks ago.  Basically back to 80 pounds lost so maybe 10 more to go for my final goal weight I think.

Will keep you posted, as always!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Checking in...'real quick'

My dad always used to tease me because I would use the phrase 'real quick' often without realizing it. For instance, I would say "I'm going to practice piano real quick" or "I've gotta talk to Gabi real quick."  Not sure why, I'm just a weirdo.

Anyway....I do want to give a 'real quick' check-in as I'm at work and swamped. 

I've been doing REALLY well with my food choices and eating lately, been very strict about eating every 2-3 hours and eating only healthy stuff or watching my intake of anything not-so-healthy. We were at Lynn's (Nick & Sarah's mom) for a bit Saturday afternoon and they ordered pizza but I only had 1 slice.

My workouts have not been so great - been very sporadic again although when I do have them, they are good workouts overall.  My runs have not been great, I really need to build back up to longer distances.  Physically I'm sure I could do more, it's the mental block that is holding me back.  If I can break through that just one time it would make a huge difference.

The cold weather (it was 4* this morning!) doesn't help either, not very enticing to go outside at 4 in the morning on a day like today.

I'm aiming to go tomorrow though.   I am down 11 pounds though so that is great!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Shut up & squat .....how rude!?! lol

So not to overshare but my rear end is my new pet project in my fitness routine.  Along with trying to lose the weight I gained back and stay on track with food, I really want to get my butt into better shape (literally and figuratively!) 

I've always had kind of a flat butt - my legs/thighs tend to be pretty muscular when I'm working out.  I even had a woman at the gym compliment me on my legs last week!  Talk about making my day....I was doing weighted step-ups on one of the benches (these always make me sweat!) and she was asking me about the benefits of doing those, she said my legs are very muscular. Woo-hoo!! 

Anyway....I want to get my butt more toned, rounded, etc. and have been concentrating more on that, adding in new exercises, concentrating on going even lower in my squats, and adding more reps on the exercises that target that area. 

I follow quite a few fitness buffs on Instagram and they are great resources for recipes, exercises and general fitness info. 

I need to do some progress pics but don't feel comfortable posting them on Instagram (Isaiah would be mortified - haha!) but will probably do so on here.  That is one of the best ways to track progress, especially since I can't see my butt.  Haha!

I always do squats when at the gym, I actually squat more weight than Jerry does (heehee!).  I added in weighted plie squats this morning, I really liked those.  Basically you stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, holding a dumbbell in front of you with arms fully extended down.  I did 3 sets of 10, moving up in dumbbell size each time.  Since it was my first time I didn't push it too much, but used a 20-lb, 22.5-lb and finished with a 25-lb weight. 

I've also been doing the glute machines at the gym, although I would love to do them every day to hurry up progress, that could actually be counterproductive so I'm doing them every other day or so.  Basically it is a machine where you lean over with your belly on a pad and push back on a weight alternatively with each foot - I'm up to 100 lbs, 120 and 140.  Could probably do more, haven't tried more weight yet though. That's one of my faults, I don't push as hard as I should, you don't realize how much your body can take! 

I was inspired today and since it was legs day, I figured it won't hurt to do squats whenever I go to the bathroom today.  Haha!  My office is pretty quiet, I'm the only one in the bathroom at any one time so I did 20 squats (no weights of course) when I was in there this morning.  I'm drinking more water so who knows how many squats I'll get done today!  Haha!  I won't do this every day, again so as not to be counterproductive -- I need to rest those muscles as well so they can heal & rebuild.

(I do lots more leg stuff as well, didn't want you to think I only do 3 exercises - too much to post here!)  Sometime maybe I will post my daily workouts - Jerry says he thinks I do one of the best workouts at our gym. Then again he's my trainer so that's probably him taking the credit for that.  Haha! Will keep you posted - and expect some pics maybe today or tomorrow! 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New year.....new motivation?

Happy New Year!  I had a quiet NYE myself, Jerry was at the firehouse so Isaiah and I munched on my friend Anita's dip recipe (2 cans Hormel chili - no beans, 1 block of cream cheese and diced jalapenos.  Mix together, put shredded taco mix cheese on top, bake in oven at 350* for approx 40 mins). YUMMY!! Not necessarily a healthy treat but it's soooo good!  I was in bed by 9pm.  Haha!

As I've said in a previous post, my weight-loss journey has been a little sidetracked for quite a while.  I've still gone to the gym but it's much more sporadic and my food choices haven't been great.

Not sure why, but a new year always gives you great motivation, a desire for a fresh start.  I want to lose 20-25 pounds (15 of which I had gained back) and tone up a LOT more.  I've been hitting weights really well lately and am working on the food thing.  I don't eat terribly, just not the best snack choices at home sometimes. 

So I'm back on the straight & narrow and have asked Jerry to really push me and keep me accountable.  He's already begun as he took away some of my spicy sweet potato fries last night. Lol

Here's to 2013 - it's GOT to be better than 2012.  Only way to go is up.  Haha!