Welcome to my blog!!

Welp, here goes.....not sure how I'll do at this but I'll give it a whirl! Hope you enjoy. "Yearning to be Average" has to do with my desire & goal to just be an average size person.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Right to bare arms...and yes, I meant to spell it that way

Haha!  So wanted to include a quick progress pic of my shoulders/arms....I did chest & shoulders at the gym this morning and felt pretty good afterward.  It's hard to take pics of yourself while flexing!

So I did what any good mother would do and made my teenage son take it - I think he's scarred for life.  Oh well!  Haha.   Don't mind the blurriness and my face - awkward!  But I wanted to see the progress I've made on my arms/shoulders. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

All byyyy myself.....(sung like Celine Deion)

So I've been doing pretty good with my workouts and AWESOME with my food choices!  Woo-hoo!!  Not saying everything is all of a sudden easy or grand but I feel good physically at least.  I'm feeling the pain today walking because I did a great legs/back workout yesterday.  Because of the blizzard we had over the weekend, Isaiah was off school Monday & Tuesday....poor munchkin though, he still had to wake up early yesterday (compared to sleeping in until noon) for an orthodontist appointment.  Haha. 

Anyway I did have some extra time for my workout so I spent longer than usual at the gym and did all my sets, no skipping anything!  I even did plank, which I'm supposed to do every workout but sometimes skip.  lol  I can definitely feel it in my legs/butt. 

My runs lately, as I've said, have been a lot shorter than they used to be.  Part of that is the mental torture I put myself through while running - i.e. thinking of Jerry and where he is, what he's done, etc. but also it's hard for me to do long distances on treadmills.  And the weather has not been very cooperative to run outside. 

That being said, I'm going to take Allison's advice and look for a half marathon to do!  I think it would be huge for me personally to step out on my own and do this race 'all by myself.'  For so long throughout this journey I have been dependent on Jerry as my trainer and cheerleader - and don't get me wrong, he was a great trainer in that aspect.  But I need to learn to be motivated on my own and be more independent. 

I'm thinking possibly late spring or fall - I know there's one in Hartford in October, the normal one but I don't know if I want to wait that long.  I could look for one in April or May, I saw one more local in April but it's the same weekend as Nick's graduation from Basic Training.  I'm going to look in more detail for one to sign up for and commit to.  Wish me luck!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Hardest workout of my life

Bear with me - this post is going to be raw and difficult for me.  I said from the beginning I would share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  This is definitely the ugly.

On Friday, Jan. 25th, my husband of just over 10 years, Gerard, moved out and left me for his mistress of over a year.  While this was not something totally unexpected, you are never quite prepared for the pain - much like losing a loved one.  No mater how expected or prepared you are, that hole is still there in your heart nonetheless. 

I kept up my workouts during the week following and have felt good physically for the most part.  But on Saturday, Feb 2nd, it was the first night he spent at her house since leaving me and I knew he was there.  I can't describe to you the heartache and pain I have had over these past couple days.  Sometimes I guess you're better off NOT knowing some things.  I barely slept AT ALL Saturday night; since he's been gone I have had kind of crappy sleep but I slept moreso than not.  But Saturday night was a whole different story. 

I have never cried so much, to the point it was pouring out of me like a deep, gutteral (is that a word?) pain leaving my body.  I was literally on my knees in our bathroom, praying to God to take away my pain, to give me peace, to help me with my anger towards him and her, I cried out over and over and over. 

I did finally lay down around 3am and dozed off for maybe an hour, exhausted physically & emotionally. 

I woke up way before my alarm was set and debated whether to go to the gym.  In the end, I did go and completed my chest & shoulders workout.  It was the hardest workout I've had, I believe.  Not feeling any motivation, sitting there on the bench and my eyes kept welling up with tears, shoulders down, not making eye contact with anyone so noone would ask how I was.  But I'm proud that I completed it, on a day when my heart was literally aching nonstop. 

This struggle is not over by any means, every day is a struggle to get  up and go work out, take care of the kids and the dogs and the house.  I have been reading this devotional by Max Lucado every day (he's my favorite author!) and reading my Bible, praying a LOT.  I know my sister will hit me upside the head and tell me to get to a good Bible-based church as well and I'm planning to do that this Sunday I hope. 

Please keep me in your prayers, I need all the support I can get right now.  Pretty tough being so far away from family at a time like this.  Please pray for Sarah (my stepdaughter), who has been AMAZING through all of this.  Pray for Nick, my stepson, who is away at Army Basic Training and has no idea this is going on.  :(  Jerry waited until Nick left for Basic to make his move.  Please pray for Isaiah especially; Jerry is the only father he has ever known - we had his last name changed to 'Negretti' and I imagine this must be especially hurtful to him, although he doesn't say much, like most teenaged boys.

 (Oct 2011)

Friday, February 1, 2013

I'm alive....just barely

Haha okay so I'm a little dramatic.  My dad used to sing "Hooray for Hollywood.." sometimes when I was being a good actress.  Or if I whined, he'd tell me I could play football for the San Francisco Forty-Whiners.  LOL

Anyhoo....did well with my weights this week, did legs & back on Tuesday after missing them for a couple weeks and felt it on Weds. It hurt to walk, my quads/hammies were so sore!  So I rested on Weds & Thurs.   Went for a short run this morning, just a couple miles but it felt pretty good.

I was hoping to run outside tomorrow but I just checked the weather and it's looking pretty chilly in the morning!  Not sure if I'm ambitious enough for that.  We shall see.

I am down 13 pounds and feeling much better than even just 4 weeks ago.  Basically back to 80 pounds lost so maybe 10 more to go for my final goal weight I think.

Will keep you posted, as always!