Not to beat a dead horse but it hit me recently, when I sat down and mentally noted everything I had been through in the last year or 14 months, it really was a year from hell!
January 2012: Jerry wanted a divorce; changed his mind
January 2012: Three days later, my dad died
February 2012: Rookie, our beloved Boston Terrier died
March 2012: Jerry wanted a divorce; changed his mind
April 2012: Jerry got an apartment; changed his mind
June 2012: Jerry moved out for 4 days
July 2012: Jerry moved out for a week
August 2012: Jerry moved out for 3 weeks
January 2013: Jerry moved out for good
March 2013: Max, our other Boston Terrier died
March 2013: Poppy, Jerry's dad, died
Ugghhh!! So why am I telling you all this? In a way, to celebrate - that, after going through all that loss & pain for so long, I am still basically at the same weight I was, only about a 5-6 pound difference! That is remarkable to me, given my history with food and 'eating my feelings', etc.
I'm not saying all this to pat myself on the back, it is only by the grace of God that I have made it through.....there were days I didn't want to get out of bed, let alone go work out and go to work, and smile at people when I didn't feel like smiling.
My point is - if I can do it, you can do it! Keep your head up but stay on your knees (in prayer!)
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
Back in the saddle again.....halfway anyway...
Just wanted to type a quick post....I'm still not back in the gym regularly but a lot of that is due to late nights at baseball and twice in the past week I've had a REALLY bad sinus headache/migraine in the mornings.
However I have done really well with my food choices this past week or so, I feel great as I am back in my routine of good eating and am still drinking LOTS of water.
Checked the scale this morning - prob not a good idea as I haven't even worked out - but it said I was down 2-3 lbs from a week ago. Granted, I think a lot of that was water weight/bloating anyway but still, psychologically it feels good to see it going back down.
My pants didn't feel as tight this morning either so that's always a good way to start your Friday!
Tomorrow morning again I won't be able to make it to the gym. :( That bums me out because Saturdays are my favorite day for workouts because I don't feel rushed. Even if I have parties at work, I don't have to get there until noon so I have more time. But tomorrow Isaiah has a double-header and has to be in New Haven by 9:00 so that's not happening. Sunday will hopefully be a good workout day!
I'd like to get this extra weight off before we go to Florida in 2 weeks - totally doable as I just need to lose 4-5 more lbs to get back to -85 lost or so. If I don't lose it before we go, I'm sure I will sweat it off there anyway! :)
However I have done really well with my food choices this past week or so, I feel great as I am back in my routine of good eating and am still drinking LOTS of water.
Checked the scale this morning - prob not a good idea as I haven't even worked out - but it said I was down 2-3 lbs from a week ago. Granted, I think a lot of that was water weight/bloating anyway but still, psychologically it feels good to see it going back down.
My pants didn't feel as tight this morning either so that's always a good way to start your Friday!
Tomorrow morning again I won't be able to make it to the gym. :( That bums me out because Saturdays are my favorite day for workouts because I don't feel rushed. Even if I have parties at work, I don't have to get there until noon so I have more time. But tomorrow Isaiah has a double-header and has to be in New Haven by 9:00 so that's not happening. Sunday will hopefully be a good workout day!
I'd like to get this extra weight off before we go to Florida in 2 weeks - totally doable as I just need to lose 4-5 more lbs to get back to -85 lost or so. If I don't lose it before we go, I'm sure I will sweat it off there anyway! :)
Thursday, June 27, 2013
For 'slack' of a better word...
I've been slacking! No beating around the bush, I'm a slacker. Gahh! My workouts have not been regular AT ALL, my food choices have not been great AT ALL. Time to get back on the ball! Hey I'm a poet and didn't know it! lol
Only good thing is I've only gained about 5-6 lbs which is good I suppose, considering my lack of regular workouts and the amount of Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins I've consumed. Those are definitely my kryptonite!
I did get in a quick run yesterday at the gym but felt how un-conditioned I was. I'm actually looking forward to buckling down, so to speak, and getting back in my routine. It won't take much to get back to where I was -- still pretty much hold steady at -85 lbs lost usually.
This time of year is dangerous at work - thankfully, it's not Greek Festival time which means a food temptation. But it's dangerous because it's SO quiet and - I dare say it - boring at times. lol So that means I want to snack more. But I don't bring bad things with me to eat, which is good, but eating too often is not good either. I typically try and eat a healthy snack every 2.5 hours or so.
So to battle that, I'm trying to drink more water than usual. Yesterday I drank almost 60 oz at work alone - and keep in mind, I only work about 5 hours a day so that's pretty good I think! Plus that will help me with wanting to snack.
Will keep you posted - chest & shoulders tomorrow along with a quick interval run on the treadmill. That will usually jumpstart weight-loss for me as well.
Only good thing is I've only gained about 5-6 lbs which is good I suppose, considering my lack of regular workouts and the amount of Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins I've consumed. Those are definitely my kryptonite!
I did get in a quick run yesterday at the gym but felt how un-conditioned I was. I'm actually looking forward to buckling down, so to speak, and getting back in my routine. It won't take much to get back to where I was -- still pretty much hold steady at -85 lbs lost usually.
This time of year is dangerous at work - thankfully, it's not Greek Festival time which means a food temptation. But it's dangerous because it's SO quiet and - I dare say it - boring at times. lol So that means I want to snack more. But I don't bring bad things with me to eat, which is good, but eating too often is not good either. I typically try and eat a healthy snack every 2.5 hours or so.
So to battle that, I'm trying to drink more water than usual. Yesterday I drank almost 60 oz at work alone - and keep in mind, I only work about 5 hours a day so that's pretty good I think! Plus that will help me with wanting to snack.
Will keep you posted - chest & shoulders tomorrow along with a quick interval run on the treadmill. That will usually jumpstart weight-loss for me as well.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Right to bare arms...and yes, I meant to spell it that way
Haha! So wanted to include a quick progress pic of my shoulders/arms....I did chest & shoulders at the gym this morning and felt pretty good afterward. It's hard to take pics of yourself while flexing!
So I did what any good mother would do and made my teenage son take it - I think he's scarred for life. Oh well! Haha. Don't mind the blurriness and my face - awkward! But I wanted to see the progress I've made on my arms/shoulders.
So I did what any good mother would do and made my teenage son take it - I think he's scarred for life. Oh well! Haha. Don't mind the blurriness and my face - awkward! But I wanted to see the progress I've made on my arms/shoulders.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
All byyyy myself.....(sung like Celine Deion)
So I've been doing pretty good with my workouts and AWESOME with my food choices! Woo-hoo!! Not saying everything is all of a sudden easy or grand but I feel good physically at least. I'm feeling the pain today walking because I did a great legs/back workout yesterday. Because of the blizzard we had over the weekend, Isaiah was off school Monday & Tuesday....poor munchkin though, he still had to wake up early yesterday (compared to sleeping in until noon) for an orthodontist appointment. Haha.
Anyway I did have some extra time for my workout so I spent longer than usual at the gym and did all my sets, no skipping anything! I even did plank, which I'm supposed to do every workout but sometimes skip. lol I can definitely feel it in my legs/butt.
My runs lately, as I've said, have been a lot shorter than they used to be. Part of that is the mental torture I put myself through while running - i.e. thinking of Jerry and where he is, what he's done, etc. but also it's hard for me to do long distances on treadmills. And the weather has not been very cooperative to run outside.
That being said, I'm going to take Allison's advice and look for a half marathon to do! I think it would be huge for me personally to step out on my own and do this race 'all by myself.' For so long throughout this journey I have been dependent on Jerry as my trainer and cheerleader - and don't get me wrong, he was a great trainer in that aspect. But I need to learn to be motivated on my own and be more independent.
I'm thinking possibly late spring or fall - I know there's one in Hartford in October, the normal one but I don't know if I want to wait that long. I could look for one in April or May, I saw one more local in April but it's the same weekend as Nick's graduation from Basic Training. I'm going to look in more detail for one to sign up for and commit to. Wish me luck!
Anyway I did have some extra time for my workout so I spent longer than usual at the gym and did all my sets, no skipping anything! I even did plank, which I'm supposed to do every workout but sometimes skip. lol I can definitely feel it in my legs/butt.
My runs lately, as I've said, have been a lot shorter than they used to be. Part of that is the mental torture I put myself through while running - i.e. thinking of Jerry and where he is, what he's done, etc. but also it's hard for me to do long distances on treadmills. And the weather has not been very cooperative to run outside.
That being said, I'm going to take Allison's advice and look for a half marathon to do! I think it would be huge for me personally to step out on my own and do this race 'all by myself.' For so long throughout this journey I have been dependent on Jerry as my trainer and cheerleader - and don't get me wrong, he was a great trainer in that aspect. But I need to learn to be motivated on my own and be more independent.
I'm thinking possibly late spring or fall - I know there's one in Hartford in October, the normal one but I don't know if I want to wait that long. I could look for one in April or May, I saw one more local in April but it's the same weekend as Nick's graduation from Basic Training. I'm going to look in more detail for one to sign up for and commit to. Wish me luck!
Monday, February 4, 2013
Hardest workout of my life
Bear with me - this post is going to be raw and difficult for me. I said from the beginning I would share the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is definitely the ugly.
On Friday, Jan. 25th, my husband of just over 10 years, Gerard, moved out and left me for his mistress of over a year. While this was not something totally unexpected, you are never quite prepared for the pain - much like losing a loved one. No mater how expected or prepared you are, that hole is still there in your heart nonetheless.
I kept up my workouts during the week following and have felt good physically for the most part. But on Saturday, Feb 2nd, it was the first night he spent at her house since leaving me and I knew he was there. I can't describe to you the heartache and pain I have had over these past couple days. Sometimes I guess you're better off NOT knowing some things. I barely slept AT ALL Saturday night; since he's been gone I have had kind of crappy sleep but I slept moreso than not. But Saturday night was a whole different story.
I have never cried so much, to the point it was pouring out of me like a deep, gutteral (is that a word?) pain leaving my body. I was literally on my knees in our bathroom, praying to God to take away my pain, to give me peace, to help me with my anger towards him and her, I cried out over and over and over.
I did finally lay down around 3am and dozed off for maybe an hour, exhausted physically & emotionally.
I woke up way before my alarm was set and debated whether to go to the gym. In the end, I did go and completed my chest & shoulders workout. It was the hardest workout I've had, I believe. Not feeling any motivation, sitting there on the bench and my eyes kept welling up with tears, shoulders down, not making eye contact with anyone so noone would ask how I was. But I'm proud that I completed it, on a day when my heart was literally aching nonstop.
This struggle is not over by any means, every day is a struggle to get up and go work out, take care of the kids and the dogs and the house. I have been reading this devotional by Max Lucado every day (he's my favorite author!) and reading my Bible, praying a LOT. I know my sister will hit me upside the head and tell me to get to a good Bible-based church as well and I'm planning to do that this Sunday I hope.
Please keep me in your prayers, I need all the support I can get right now. Pretty tough being so far away from family at a time like this. Please pray for Sarah (my stepdaughter), who has been AMAZING through all of this. Pray for Nick, my stepson, who is away at Army Basic Training and has no idea this is going on. :( Jerry waited until Nick left for Basic to make his move. Please pray for Isaiah especially; Jerry is the only father he has ever known - we had his last name changed to 'Negretti' and I imagine this must be especially hurtful to him, although he doesn't say much, like most teenaged boys.
(Oct 2011)
On Friday, Jan. 25th, my husband of just over 10 years, Gerard, moved out and left me for his mistress of over a year. While this was not something totally unexpected, you are never quite prepared for the pain - much like losing a loved one. No mater how expected or prepared you are, that hole is still there in your heart nonetheless.
I kept up my workouts during the week following and have felt good physically for the most part. But on Saturday, Feb 2nd, it was the first night he spent at her house since leaving me and I knew he was there. I can't describe to you the heartache and pain I have had over these past couple days. Sometimes I guess you're better off NOT knowing some things. I barely slept AT ALL Saturday night; since he's been gone I have had kind of crappy sleep but I slept moreso than not. But Saturday night was a whole different story.
I have never cried so much, to the point it was pouring out of me like a deep, gutteral (is that a word?) pain leaving my body. I was literally on my knees in our bathroom, praying to God to take away my pain, to give me peace, to help me with my anger towards him and her, I cried out over and over and over.
I did finally lay down around 3am and dozed off for maybe an hour, exhausted physically & emotionally.
I woke up way before my alarm was set and debated whether to go to the gym. In the end, I did go and completed my chest & shoulders workout. It was the hardest workout I've had, I believe. Not feeling any motivation, sitting there on the bench and my eyes kept welling up with tears, shoulders down, not making eye contact with anyone so noone would ask how I was. But I'm proud that I completed it, on a day when my heart was literally aching nonstop.
This struggle is not over by any means, every day is a struggle to get up and go work out, take care of the kids and the dogs and the house. I have been reading this devotional by Max Lucado every day (he's my favorite author!) and reading my Bible, praying a LOT. I know my sister will hit me upside the head and tell me to get to a good Bible-based church as well and I'm planning to do that this Sunday I hope.
Please keep me in your prayers, I need all the support I can get right now. Pretty tough being so far away from family at a time like this. Please pray for Sarah (my stepdaughter), who has been AMAZING through all of this. Pray for Nick, my stepson, who is away at Army Basic Training and has no idea this is going on. :( Jerry waited until Nick left for Basic to make his move. Please pray for Isaiah especially; Jerry is the only father he has ever known - we had his last name changed to 'Negretti' and I imagine this must be especially hurtful to him, although he doesn't say much, like most teenaged boys.
(Oct 2011)Friday, February 1, 2013
I'm alive....just barely
Haha okay so I'm a little dramatic. My dad used to sing "Hooray for Hollywood.." sometimes when I was being a good actress. Or if I whined, he'd tell me I could play football for the San Francisco Forty-Whiners. LOL
Anyhoo....did well with my weights this week, did legs & back on Tuesday after missing them for a couple weeks and felt it on Weds. It hurt to walk, my quads/hammies were so sore! So I rested on Weds & Thurs. Went for a short run this morning, just a couple miles but it felt pretty good.
I was hoping to run outside tomorrow but I just checked the weather and it's looking pretty chilly in the morning! Not sure if I'm ambitious enough for that. We shall see.
I am down 13 pounds and feeling much better than even just 4 weeks ago. Basically back to 80 pounds lost so maybe 10 more to go for my final goal weight I think.
Will keep you posted, as always!
Anyhoo....did well with my weights this week, did legs & back on Tuesday after missing them for a couple weeks and felt it on Weds. It hurt to walk, my quads/hammies were so sore! So I rested on Weds & Thurs. Went for a short run this morning, just a couple miles but it felt pretty good.
I was hoping to run outside tomorrow but I just checked the weather and it's looking pretty chilly in the morning! Not sure if I'm ambitious enough for that. We shall see.
I am down 13 pounds and feeling much better than even just 4 weeks ago. Basically back to 80 pounds lost so maybe 10 more to go for my final goal weight I think.
Will keep you posted, as always!
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